wow

Wow! I see its been a long time since I wrote my last blog... So Ill catch you guys up, grad was awsome! one of the best nights ive ever had, the summer was very interesting I must say, alot of getting drunk among alot of other things, i became very good friends with the poepl I now live with (Todd, Jon, Michelle and thier kids) Michelle helped me get the job I now have at Petro Canada, its not a bad job I do like it alot actoully but im sure there are better jobs in the world :P but thank you Michelle, I really appreceate it. In september the four of is went to the states for about 3 nights, that was fun and it was kind of long tho lol we mostly survived on Monster energy drinks, I think that is because you could get almost 1L in a can for about $3 when here for a little can its $3.25. So now its Halloween, and Jon and Michelle are not together for this... I know its not my place to talk about it so thats all im going to say.... and im having a problem of my own... I like her... I think I love her... Im getting feelings like I did for my ex girlfriend Sam, I really wish that I did not like Michelle this much, not that I shouldent like her... well maybe I shouldent but because shes got her own life to figure out at the moment and I know it would NEVER EVER work out if I ever got the chance to be with her. I wish you could choose the people you liked, then I dont think anyone would ever get hurt, even when prople understand why they cant be together and they know it and accept it, it still hurts and drives them insane.
-sigh- jezze. i just hope that maybe not ever being with her will make not like her anymore...
I just wish I dident... thats all.

Woot!

yeah haw! so grad is this up coming friday and saturday, im kinda excited, i am but im also not beacuse one of my escourts cant come eanymore and the other might not beable to so im kinda sad, but im hoping kyle still can if not ill be very upset not with him but just in general beacuse he has to do some things himself for school. Well I hope it will turn out to be a fun time.

MSI...after

So I went to the MSI concert, I WAS AWSOME!!!!! to tell you the truth tho I was more excited for the other band that was there, The Birthday Massacre they rocked! They play an awsome preformance, they are from toronto, I was happy to find out they are canadian. While The Birthday Massacre was playing me and my friends were in the mosh pitt and there was this one little chick who punched my friend kirstie in the head purposly....you dont actouly try to punch someone in a mosh pitt not how it works but eanyways, she punched my friend so i pushed her, then she punched me in the head....it made me angry, we started going at it sorta but ashe backed down. I we went over to sam (kirsties gf) and out friend tina, and we told them what happened, and sam dident like her gf being punched to they went over to her in the pitt and yeah ended up making her leave, the pitt was fun after she left. It was a good show, it was a good day actouly befor the concert we went to granvil and hastings to look at stuff in the stores, there was about 10 of us that all bused and skytrained it there..on the way home we took up the whole back of the bus. The people I was with were quite entertaining there was a moth on the bus on the way home and everyone was trying to catch it, they ended up killing it trying to cath it :( oh and this is a little gross, there was a tim bits box on the bus with some tim bits in it still and someone dared someone to eat one and she did, then a few other had some....i thought it was funny but gross. So yeah that was June 1st, it was fun :)

MSI...befor.

:D So, IM EXCITED!!!!
I get to go see the bands Mindless Self Indulgence and The Birthday Massacre on June the 1st, its my first concert since warped tour 06 so im looking quite forward to it. Im going with my friends kyle not adam cuz he cant handle big loud crouds what a baby and todds coming :D also
other friends mac and caity. The concert is at the CCC (croatian cultural center) in vancouver, I think we will be busing and skytaining it there thats always fun except for the coming home part, it take TOO long and your tired after lol. The CC is a good place for shows but its so hot in there, I saw hedley there befor it was good, but yes im excited for this weekend I guess this is for my birthday :)

yay!

WOOT Happy Birthday To Me :D
yes im spechial saying happy birthday to myself :P
but meh w.e so im finnaly 18 WOOT! i can buy porn and go into adult stores WOO HOO!
wish I was 19 tho, it would be better but that mean I have one more year to look forward to it.

Long weekend!

Current Song Playing: Kiss Kiss Kill Kill - The Horrorpops

So this long weekend im going down with some people to Hill Top Gardens to help plant some veggies and such, im sure its going to be fun apparently there is a party after, im looking forward to it. My parents had people over from the coast that we have known since I was 4 and I was telling them im going planting this weekend and the lady asked me where and I told her and she was like WHAT?! really im going to! it was weird she knows my friends brother that lives there...its such a small world!

Relax...

Current song playing: Walking With Strangers - The Birthday Massacre

Yesterday my stepbrother, my sister and I went for a drive to Green Lake for about an hour, it was nice, ive never been there befor but it was nice beacuse it was relaxing. It was nice and quiet it was nice to get away from the huse after school, i never do that i hope that we can do it more often and it was nice to bond with them to. :P

blah!

Sometimes I wish that my family dident care that im bisexual, i know people have fredom of spech and there are alot of people that hate "gay" people but it hurts the most when its your family that kinda dosent like you for it or even them hating people that are gay...hows that suposto make me feel....do you hate me to?......

Grad tip 08

So i went on my grad trip this weekend it was quite a hook, I had lots of fun I hope everyone eles did. We did alot of things so this is just going to be a short blurb about it we went paintballing, shopping, movies, playland, go karts and rode bikes on the sea wall i cant really remember if we did eany thing eles rightnow lol my favorite things were paintballing, riding bikes on the sea wall and playland and movies, I saw 2 movies this weekend one was The Rolling Stones "Shine A Light" that was pretty good, I dident really like them till then, and Mic Jagger with his hit movment wow lol I also saw Prom Night that was also pretty good I liked it, I was the only one out of Jazz, Sam and Teri that the movie dident bug me lol they were kinda jumping and such.
so yeah thats my quitck blurb buh bye.

30 Hour Famine

So today is the 30 hour famine, and im in 3rd class and im doing alright, sorta hungry, but by tonight i know that i will be really hungry. I can wait for tomorrow morning, FOOOOD! I really want a burger soo badly! maybe this weekend sometime i will go get one, ive been craving one for a few days and today is worse:P

April 5-6th

current song playing: Killa - Cherish Feat. Yung Joc

So this weekend was pretty interesting, on friday did nothing so that dosent matter but on saturday, jane was suposto come to my house but I ended up getting piucked up by Michelle and Todd, then we went to janes and got her, Brad was there to but then he had to go home. Latter that night there were some arguments between a few peoepl but thoes got resolzed in time i supose, the rest of the night was fun, we all stayed the night at Jon and Michelle's. Teri and Justin K slept on the couch and then me Todd, Travis and Jane slept in a room, I kinda tripped out when I woke up beacuse I fell sleep with Todd beside me then I woke up with Jane next to me, was kinda todd. I dident end up geting to sleep till 8 in the morning then everyone was awake by about 10:30 in the morning, i thought it was like 11 something, when i saw the clock i was like OMG are you serious! So sunday, we drove Jane home and then drove to Cache Creek and got A&W then back to clinton to get ready for the day then we were off to Kamloops to see a movie. I called Kim Teri's sister she came with us, befor the movie we stoped at A&W and saw Tonya Buis... I belive thats her name, not too sure if i spelt it right, but yes we saw her was nice to see her shes a nice girl. Then we were off to the movies and we saw10,00 BC missed the first few mins because Teri wasent doing soo good for some reson, she was woozy and fell over, was kinda scarry but after some water and food she was much better. The movie was really good I was expecing for it not to be...so good. I recoment you go and see it!!! after the movies we went and saw Kyle at his house and Ryan was there, was nice to see them also, we followed then to husky they tryed to loose us by going down a bunch of roads but they dident lol and yes, that was my wonderful weekend! I wish there was some more sleep tho.

My spring break.

Current song playing: Is It You - Cassie

So im not too sure what I should write about...hrmmm well i dont think i sumed up my spring break so ill do what I remeber now. Well it was fun, i was there for a few days then my gf at the moment, i think we rished things by going out befor meeting witch was kinda dumb lol but her name is Tanya she was cool, im glad i got to meet her, but i broke up with her on easter...i dident even know it was easter. I think she hates me now, I broke up with her because i just dident feel the same as she does, but i still love her, but as a friend. Shes one of my bes friends, i can tell her pretty much eanything, but shes not talking to me for awhile to apprently get over me, but w.e shes gotta do what she needs to do. She was gone by the first friday of the break...thats when we started to relly have are fun, we as in me and kyle mostly and adam a bit, but he worked pretty much everyday but mondays a tuesdays so meh w.e. Eanywho yeah me and kyle were having fun by then, we went to the mall lots and hungout with kirtie and sam, and went and saw joey at Eva's Pizza (where he works, hes the mannager, i think thats kinda scary to tell you the truth :P) it got boring sometimes but meh, better than doing nothing. We got stoned, kirstie bought a houka or hoever you spell thoes things, thoes are so awsome! I want one so bad! but one with 4 toubes coming out of it. It was kinda bad also... I did some other stuff that i dont know if i should say on here...but just to let you know i only do them on occasions. There was 4 days in a row that I did drugs, im not saying im proud of it, but it was fun. Okay well fisrt befor tanya came down to Maple Ridge Adam, Kyle and I did mushrooms, it was a good night, we walked from 232nd St to Laity St witch really is 211St....so i guess its not really that far but it is when you walk the back roads like we did. We kept getting confused if we were by Maple Ridge secondary School cuz all the roads look the same back there, it was kinda funny. Alright now back to the 4 day bindge, Satuday me and kyle did 2 hit of acid, it wasent the best ive ever done, but it was good, we hung out with kirstie all day cuz adam was at work and so was sam (kirsties gf) so we wandered around town, me and kyle trippin a bit, we stoped at this park to smoke a joint and we saw out friend mack (i havent seen him in SOO long, probouly years) and yeah it was cool, he kinda looked funny cuz he shved his eyebrows and he was letting them brow back lol but he had to go gameout he said so he left, he looks so hardcore but hes such a dork lol. After that this girl came to the park and she sat on the bench and she was sketchin out, she was starting to tripp me out... so we were getting up after a bit to leave and the girls liek oh your leaving?!? were liek yeah.... she said we were keeping her feel calm or something uz her and her friend just went out and sray painted stuff on purpose, she said she was with a friend and she thought he followed her cuz she ran and yeah we told her to find her friend and she said she couldent cuz shes on probation, like what an idiot? Later we found out that adams works sign was spray painted, they did his work, was weird how things that night sorta fell togehter like that lol, we went to joeys work to see him and sam (they work together) and we went out the back of the building to smoke a joint and the back door looked like a dungen door, i was liek are you joking? and there was this big metal bar across it to keep it shit liek thoes dungen door and kirstie was trying to take it off, was one of the most funniest things I have ever saw, was so weird when she finnaly opened the door, I was actouly half expecting something other than a back alley, thats only because of the acid tho. So i think thats enough about saturday, the next day me and kyle did nothing much, saw kirstie and sam at thies house for a bit, then went and met adam at his work and we made mushroom eat, its actouly pretty good, I only got a buzz going off that but thats okay, I was tired that day eanyways. OH to cut in, on the friday just befor this Todd asked my if he could go down with my mom so he could hangout with me and meet the rest of my friends I said oh yeah sure, i was SO surprized that he actouly came with my mom down. I was actouly really happy he came I thought that it was going to aqward but it was fine, everyone got along fine. I also ended up doing MDMA with kyle and adam thoes last 2 days I was there while todd was with us, it was a fun 2 days the second day that he was down we went and got my grad dress we met kyle up at the mall and he took pictures, ficken kyle. lol After that we went and saw joey then he had to go back to work so me todd kyle and sam hung out till adam got off work then we went back to kyles and we all hungout till we had to leave the next day. I had a fun spring break, of my and todd are again again now lol teri and michelle said they knew we would come back together, I think im fallin pretty hard for him, im trying not to but hes kinda all I can really think about, its weird for me and this might sound weird for you but, its kinda weird for me because I have never felt so stonf about a boy befor, only a girl so its kinda weird for me, but im taking it very slow. Kyle and adam like him alot, they want me to keep him around for awhile :P

Survive by Rise Against

I really like this song, there is one pharagraph in this song that I feel really stongly about, can you guess what one :P
For some reson I feel like I really connect with this song, when I listen to it it makes me feel better, makes me think i can do whatever I want if i just try, for some reson makes me stonger...also makes me think of everything that has happened in my life, and how I have survived all of it and has made me stonger as a person. You should give it a listen!


Somewhere between happy, and total fucking wreck
Feet sometimes on solid ground, sometimes at the edge
To spend your waking moments, simply killing timeIs to give up on your hopes and dreams, to give up on your...

Life for you, (who we are) has been less than kind
So take a number, (who we are) stand in line
We've all been sorry, (who we are) we've all been hurt
But how we survive, (who we are) is what makes us who we are

An obvious disinterest, a barely managed smile
A deep nod in agreement, a status quo exile
I shirk my obligations, I miss all your deadlines
I excel at quitting early, and fucking up my life

Life for you, (who we are) has been less than kind
So take a number, (who we are) stand in line
We've all been sorry, (who we are) we've all been hurt
But how we survive, (who we are) is what makes us who we are

All smiles and sunshine, a perfect world on a perfect day
Everything always works out, I have never felt so fucking great
All smiles and sunshine, a perfect world on a perfect day
Everything always works out, I have never felt so great

(Life isn't like this)
(Life isn't like this)
(Life isn't like this)
(Life isn't like this)
(Life isn't like this) Life isn't like this
(Life isn't like this) Life isn't like this
(Life isn't like this) Are we verging on an answer,
or fucking up our...

Life for you, (who we are) has been less than kind
So take a number, (who we are) stand in line
We've all been sorry, (who we are) we've all been hurt
But how we survive, (who we are) is what makes us who we are

(Who we are)
It's what makes us who we are
(Who we are)
Makes us who we are
(Who we are)
It's what makes us who we are
(Who we are)

:)

aheem...*clears throat*
So yes this week has been pretty good....only a few days left till spring break and had the weekend and chilled, and now i have a sigificant other woot, we started daiting on the 4th, its been almost a week now :) and i am happy, i said screw the distance and i asked her out. EKK! im soo happy, i was so scared when i asked her.....she figured i was going to ask ehr cuz i was kinda acting weird right befor i did lol heh, yeahh :) i cant wait for spring break, HOPEFULLY! i get to meet her.

back home

So yeah, im so tired rightnow, got back from ridge lastnight at about 4 or 5. Yesterday was weird, i was so not me...i was angry but it was diffrent angry, like a depressed angry, everyone was saying i looked sad or something, it was making me mad that ppl kept telling me i look sad, like GUH leave me ALONE! When i was dopwn there it was a kinda diffrent visit then it usualy it, kyle and adam arnt doing so great in there relationship. :( I also i went and saw sam and kirstie for the first time in over 6months, witch i guess is good cuz i needed my time away from them, but now nothing bugs me when im with them so, i can hangout with them again :) im glad, hopefully things will go back to they way they were, well i know they wont go back to the way they were but like to us all being friends again, that would be awsome!

RIDGE

WOOOHOOOO!!!!!!
IM GOING TO MAPLE RIDGE THIS WEEKEND :D
im so happy lol i havent been there since christmas break, its been about 2 months since i've gone there to visit people there, but im glad that kyle and adam came at the end of january, i would be going mental without seeing them. When they came up my step brother was thinking of what he and my step ada said about them a few months back (in the homophobia blog), he felt so bad, cuz apparenly it was the happiest hes seen me since i moved here, and well i was really happy, i would have been happy if i had a segnificant other....but not i dident, but meh, it made me happy they came up to see me :) but WOOT i get to see them tomorrow :D

So Much by The Spill Canvas

"How does it feel to know you're everything I need
The butterflies in my stomach
They could bring me to my knees
How does it feel to know you're everything I want
I've got a hard time saying this
So I'll sing it in a song

Oh I adore the way you carry yourself
With the grace of a thousand angels overhead
I love the way the galaxy starts to melt
When we become one
When we become one
When we become one
When we become one

How does it feel
How does it feel when we get locked into a stare?
Please don't come looking for me
When I get lost in the mess of your hair
How do you feel when everything you've known
Gets thrown aside
Never fear, my dear, 'cause we have nothing left to hide

Oh I adore the way you carry yourself
With the grace of a thousand angels overhead
I love the way the galaxy starts to melt

Hold on to me girl
If you feel your grip getting loose
Just know that I'm right next to you
Hold on to me girl
If you feel your grip getting loose
Just know that I won't let you down

Well, I'm ready
Well, I'm ready I am ready
To run away with you
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
To run away with me

Pack your things we can leave today
Pack your things we can leave today
Say our goodbyes and get on the train
Say goodbye
Just you and I in the sweet unknown
We can just call each other our home

If I had to choose a way to die
It'd be with you
In a goosebump infested embrace
With my overanxious hands cupping your face
In a goosebump infested embrace
With my overanxious hands cupping your cherub face

How does it feel?"

So this song kinda describes how i feel at the moment in my "love life" i have met someone who is so wonderful, i cant belive it. Ive been in love befor....well i think i have, and i know its not hard to get over, tell you the truth im still not fully recovered from it. When im talking to her....all my problems are gone and the rest of the world is clouded and its just her that i see. Its odd alot of things kinda fall into place or they are just a coincidence or what, her middle name is nicole and her birthday is exactly 1 month after mine and we also met like the day after me and my ex broke up... After me and my ex broke up, me and her just talked and talked for hours on end, she actouly kinda saved me from me in the summer when me and my ex broke up...i thought i had lost my entire world, ive never had to revocer from something like that...(well i have but she dident end up breaking up with me for my best friend the time befor) Im really glad that i have found Tanya (finnaly said her name) i met her through my sister, odd. This spring break im hopefully going to meet her with Kyle and Adam. She just makes me increadable happy, we can talk about whatever all day long. There has been things she hates and i have done, also things i still do and she dosent care, well she does but she accepts it, she likes me for ME! and i love that about her...with my ex, it was diffrent wasent like that, but now i know its how it should be, people should love you for YOU! and she does, and i love her for HER. I cant belive i have found someoen so great!!! We are not together for resons (mostly distance UGH) but, intime, i hope we end up together. I've never been so comfortable with talking to someone about nothing all day, or even important thing...and knowing her and talking to her and having that break up has made me a stronger person i think...i think it changed me actouly, in a way i see things diffrently, and now i think diffrently. In the begginging i was a bitch to her, i asked her out then the next day i dumped her for todd... and i cant belive that she would still like me, but she stuck around and we still talked(i was SO glad she would), i felt so bad after but now i wouldent go out with anyone, even if she is on the island and ive never met her or w.e shes is such a wonderful and im willing to waste my time to wait to meet her and see how things go. Withc i think they will go great, i wish i could describe how she makes me feel, its just such a good feeling, its like a feeling of extream happyness (i cant stop smiling), scarry(butterflys in da tummy) and just wanting to be with her and just hold her and look at her, hot have a care in the world cuz im with her. -sigh- :) so yeah, i think im falling in love..... :D

WOOOOT!

Current song playing: Hawthorne Heights - Nikki FM

YES!!!!! I finnaly got my L im SOOOO HAPPY!!!!!
like really happy....not that it kinda starteds a new
chapter in my life but it was a personal goal for me
and I got it so yes, im so happy! now i gotta wait a
year to go for my N blah but ohwell atleast it will
be sooner than latter since i have my L, just that
much closer to getting my license.

Hmmm

HMMMMMMM
well, nothing much to say....ive been bored and going out of my mind for past few weeks. I really need something to do lol or something, I wanna go see my friends in ridge SO BAD! I really just wanna leave and go with my friends somewhere...i dont know where. Im excited about spring break cuzzz me kyle and adam might go to the island to meet...well i guess you could call her a friend...rightnow :P so yeah that should be fun, we all each need a few hundred$ for hotels, food and bus and such, wewill be staying for a few night but it should be fun, we might go to victoria to, adam wants to go there. So yeah should be fun, i cant wait to go and get out of this town :P

woot!

So yeah my friends kyle and adam come yo see me at my home on the 31st :D i was very happy to see them, and to not me alone for a few days. We had fun, the first day they laughed at how small this "town" is lol then the next day we went to town walked around saw some ppl, some clintonies got to meet the maple ditchers :P, then the days after we hungout watched movies...and such lol we went sleding in my backyard, we made a jump outa snow, i was the first to fo off at the top, i was the lightest so i went flying about 15, i went higher than kyle and hes about 6 feet tall, i landed hard...on my face and whatnot lol i brozzed my knee, kinda hurt but not as bad when i ran into my dresser that same day on the same knee, effing hurt like a femal dog. I chiped tha paint off my dresser :P I was sad the day they had to leave...was so lonley when i got home.

blah!

Current song playing: Dear Blank - Hedley

blah!i so bored, and i am but at the same time im not looking forward for tomorrow. In FNASK we are preforming in the assembly and well its gunna be good, but i dont think we are readdy yet, we need about 1 or 2 days more i think, im hoping ppl will like it.

I hate snow!

Simple Plan - My Alien

Grrr! I hate snow! i was suposto go to maple risge today, but it snowed too much and my mom said that we arnt going anymore :( made me verry upset! But i talked to kyle and told him i wasent comming down, he was sad to, he was looking forward to hanging out while adams at work. Kyle told me that him and adam are comming up on the 31st for sure, so that kinda made me a bit happer. Lastnight me and travis hungout and just watched movie, i had a grant time
(L)_(L)

its friday!

so its friday....and yeah im glad :) me and trav ar ehangintout tonight and tomorrow i get to go to maple ridge for a night :D hopefully it will be a good weekend. Cant wait for school to be over :P
and yeahh im just bored sitting here ranting about nothing.

:D

EEEK! I SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!
My friend adam left a message on nexopia yesterday saying that hes going to try and buy 2 tickets to clinton for my friend kyles bithday!!!!!!
i soooo hope that he can buy the tickets, i miss thoes guys so much, and it would be so fun haveing them here, they the bast friends i have left from maple ridge.
he said they are going to try and come on Jan 31st and stay till the 4th.
It shall be good times :D .....if it happens :P

MR

Current song playing: Ship of Fools - The Doors

So i got to go to maple Ridge on the 27th to the 3rd,
i had alot of fun, it was nice i relaxed alot down there
kinda what i needed. I miss my home but then i dident
wanna go back because there is so much more to do there.
I hung out with my friends kyle and adam for the whole time
i dont really see me other friends cuz yeah, i saw one other
friend i havent seen in about half a year, me and kyle went to
go see her, her name is emily, it was kinda aqward cuz we havent
seen her in forever and everything is so diffrent now and yeah
i had fun :P

christmas

so christmas, it was okayy got some cool stuff
had a nice time with my family, yeah
i was mostly excited for the turkey and stuffing
mhmm, so for xmas i got a new ned, a stereo and some
other stuff i cant remerb rightnow