thought

Life feels off at the moment, tho nothing has changed. I keep having this repetitive thought pop into my mind that is I should leave her and let them be happy alone as witch they were before.... before i screwed up their relation ship.... but i never could I love this woman so much i would be breaking my own heart but with that thought am I just being selfish? I know its a dumb thing and she would not wan me to think this and I try.... But they seem to much happier and seem to have such a better connection, and I get jealous of some thing something so stupid as i cant even say I love you on facebook. I dont know, I think its just all in my head and its me... like usual.

yes...... why so fucking dumb..... I feel so fucking bad... im such a fucking idiot!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOOODDDD!!!!!!! GGGGGGUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

....

You aginst the world, Diamonds and Pearls!!!!

kahlua... ;)

Oh this wonderful thing called kahlua... oh boy! I am no longer a kahlua virgin :D YAY!!!! THANKS MITCHELL! <3

...

So apparently not knowing my past hurts some people.... kind of makes me feel bad because i guess they dont know me that well because they dont know that chapter in my life, but in a way I feel the same way with them.

:|

Lalala! So i feel a little better about my self the last few days, I think one of the biggest things was feeling like a bum and not having a job but Michelle said to wait to find a job after we fine a new place so I wouldent have to relocate to a new job or something. I am some what excited to go back to Clinton but im also not that excited, but if I do go back I will see how it goes.

Hows it going?

Its going GREAT!!!!!!! It still really sucks, I love her a lot! And it still sucks that I can not just go up to her and just hug her and kiss her but still the kids and I understand but I feel that this relationship might go downhill.... I really hope not because I love this women so F@#king much! I miss her a lot, may if i get a job she will love me more because I will be bringing money into the house and I wont be such a low life. So I guess we will just see what the future holds i guess....yep...

A New Beginning?

Well my life has definitely changed, It is kind of nice tho something new and exciting, I an now living in Calgary and I like it a lot. There are days that I get homesick tho, but then i think no one tries to contact me at all really so then it kind of fixes the homesickness, so then it makes me think do they really miss me? meh w.e life goes on lol. So i need to start looking for a job soon, makes me feel bad and I do kind of feel like a burden here and somewhat of a 3rd wheel sometimes, but apparently im not so I brush that off as well. It does really suck that me and her cant be too publicly affectionate because of the kids, I understand but it sucks, kind of makes me jealous of todd but hes still an awesome person. I think that I need to be more outspoken, I think then I would feel a whole lot better then I do right now, but then I dont want to bother her about it because shes got a lot of shit on her plate and shes having a hard enough time with this already.... so i guess thats all for now.